Wild emotional ride for the past two weeks.

5 Aug

Down, down, down…up, up, up.

I don’t talk much about my family online, but I did mention two weeks ago that my mother had a convulsive episode that landed her in the hospital. When I wrote that, it seemed that the event, while serious, would have no lasting effect, and that she would be released to my siblings’ care soon.

It was not the case, by a long shot.

She’s still in hospital.

Yesterday, they did another tomography (update: it was an MRI) of her brain, for which they had to sedate her. As she’s eighty one years old, and her previous experiences with anesthesia had never been good, we were concerned. Thankfully, she came through with flying colors.

Now, we wait to see what the neurologists have to say, and we hope for the best.

As the one daughter living away, I depend entirely on my siblings, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, and other family, to see to my mother’s care. And oh, have they come through, in spades. Since July 19, my mother has had a close family member sitting by her hospital bed, around the clock. So while I’m still thousands of miles away, my family’s love for my mother has given me enormous peace of mind.

However, on top of worry for my mother’s health, I feel guilty that I cannot go there to help. It doesn’t matter that I can’t, I still feel guilty and miserable and worried.

As I have already been struggling to manage my depression, these past eighteen days have not been easy. Insomnia, migraines, dissociative episodes, lack of energy, bouts of crying…you name it, it’s happened.

Then, in the middle of this, my manager at work called me to talk about my work performance, and to offer me extra responsibilities, with the corresponding perks.¹ Two days later, another manager called us all to a meeting, to thank us for the great job we do.

After working for the big franchise, with the “employees are worthless, interchangeable peons, whose only purpose is to scam the company” philosophy, for four years and eight months; and working the last two years plus of those, under the misogynist asshole who made my life miserable, working here is a balm to my soul. I’m never going to be rich, but I not only not dread coming to work, I am happy here. I am appreciated, and they show it to me.

Vocal appreciation doesn’t pay the bills, but boy, it makes life’s miseries so much easier to bear.

I am grateful.

~ * ~

¹ I got a company phone,² with unlimited data plan–and they added international calling, because they know my family lives abroad.

² It’s an iPhone 6. After the incredible ease of use of my (old and oh, so battered) Galaxy Note 2, I am hating this phone. But, as proven by the whole new-position thing, this old bitch will learn to jump through all the stupid hoops. This stupid piece of proprietary technology will NOT defeat me.

21 Responses to “Wild emotional ride for the past two weeks.”

  1. willaful 05/08/2016 at 5:43 PM #

    I’m sorry about the bad news and happy about the good.

  2. Valancy 05/08/2016 at 6:24 PM #

    It’s always reassuring when family comes through in difficult times isn’t it?? (I mean, they’re supposed to of course — and it gets talked about a lot) but in action, in real life, it’s always amazing. I am so glad you have that support.

    RE iPhone – you have my sincere grimaces. I read somewhere that iPhone’s were the smartphones for stupid people — I don’t know what that says about me – but I am always griping and cussing at mine – and wondering why they keep inflicting them on the human race… I choose to believe that I’m TOO intelligent for them — this is why I have such difficulty. 😉

    • azteclady 06/08/2016 at 7:34 AM #

      Thank you, Miss Valancy, it does help to know they all are there for her. There is no much else anyone can do, other than wait for the specialists, so.

      Phone: perhaps if I had gone from flip phone to iPhone I would be more impressed, or find it easier to adapt, because I wouldn’t ‘know better.’ As it is, I find all the extra steps annoying.

  3. Art Kaufmann 05/08/2016 at 7:40 PM #

    Oh no! I hope that the news from the neurologists is good. Send my best to your mother, please!

    I’m very glad you got some good news to help balance things out a bit!

    • azteclady 06/08/2016 at 7:35 AM #

      Thank you, my friend, I’ll pass it along. Many hugs from here to you and M and the boys!

  4. Lori 06/08/2016 at 5:51 AM #

    Big hugs lady.

    You’re doing the best you can and your Mom knows. You’re with her in every way you can be and she feels it. Trust me.

    And I want the iphone 6, you lucky duck. Mine is an old 4 and I love it but I love the bells and whistles.

    • azteclady 06/08/2016 at 7:36 AM #

      Thank you, Lori! And hugs back to you.

      See, I’m not much of a bells and whistles person. Perhaps that’s my problem… 😉

  5. Kat 06/08/2016 at 10:37 AM #

    It’s tough when you live far away from loved ones. Hoping for the best for your mum, and sending lots of virtual hugs your way. And I’m so glad for you that work is going well. 🙂

  6. Lea 06/08/2016 at 11:43 AM #

    ((((AL)))) Sending big hugs, prayers and lots of good karma your way. I hope the news on your mum is all good. It sux being so far away but as the other have said, it’s great the rest of hte family are pitching in. You mum is clearly one very much loved lady 🙂

    As to phone…I have nothing to offer. I have a phone purely for when I drive in case I run out of petrol. I”m not even sure I know how to turn it on… LOL GOod luck with yours all the same.


    • azteclady 06/08/2016 at 11:47 AM #

      Thank you, Lea!

      Yeah, I was happy with my Galaxy Note 2, because it did the basics well (calls, texts, email, photos) and it was very intuitive. Being the closest thing to a Luddite, I don’t need a lot.

      At work, they tell me I’ll grow to love the iPhone; I doubt it, but I hope I’ll at least learn to use it.

  7. Erin S. Burns 06/08/2016 at 6:16 PM #

    I’m thinking good thoughts for you and your mom. But that’s really nice from your employer about the international calling. And yes, iPhone is awful. It does get easier after a time.

  8. bamaclm 07/08/2016 at 12:10 PM #

    Sorry to hear about your mom, Az. I hope the news will be good – please let us know – and I’ll be thinking of her and, most especially, you.

    I know how you feel; my sister was in Canada fighting breast cancer and I was down here in Alabama and couldn’t afford to leave job and family to go stay with her during her fight. She had good support, her husband and her four boys, but the guilt is still there. John and I did get up there for a week and I cherish the memories.

    I wanted to get rid of my iphone (it’s costing me about $90 a month), but the contract isn’t up until sometime in 2017 and I can’t afford the penalty for leaving early. But all I use it for is talking to Lori and I can do that on the land line. 🙂

    Sorry for rambling, don’t get out much or see many folks. 😀

    • azteclady 07/08/2016 at 12:14 PM #

      Ah, Carolyn *hug* thank you, your kind words are much appreciated. We’ll know more soon–we hope!

      And you are not rambling–I get exactly what you mean about the cell contracts, and how they tie you, seemingly forever.

  9. SuperWendy 07/08/2016 at 3:09 PM #

    Like Willaful, I’m sorry to hear about the bad stuff but happy to hear about the good stuff! And yes, so much that re: the job. I’ve worked for places that appreciated me and those that did not – and boy howdy, there’s a HUGE difference.

  10. Frances 10/08/2016 at 2:34 AM #

    I realise most of the people leaving messages are people you know so I hope you don’t mind a stranger who checks your site periodically wishing you and your mother the very best. I hope the news for your mother is good and that you continue to enjoy your work and make progress in overcoming the difficulties in your life. Take care and good luck learning the intricacies of your new phone.

    • azteclady 10/08/2016 at 3:37 AM #

      Not only I don’t mind, I truly appreciate it, very much. Thank you, Frances.


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