Tag Archives: rape

Understanding consent: a cup of tea

13 May

Originally posted almost two years ago to the Community section of MyMedia.

I thought I had posted something about it here as well at that time, but a search shows me that I hadn’t. Unfortunately, people (mostly men, but not just men), seem to continue to struggle to understand consent as a concept, so I’m remedying the oversight now.

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A couple of months ago, someone sent me a link to a blog post that used an innocuous, simple analogy to explain consent.

Why even go there? Easy. As the author, one Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess, explains, it’s because it would seem people just don’t get it:
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When is victim behaviour used to judge whether something is a crime?

29 Apr

If you guessed ‘in cases of rape’ then you win…nothing, because we all lose when a fucking court has upheld the fact that, if the victim is unconscious, then s/he cannot be raped.

Even if s/he’s penetrated without consent–remember, unconscious?–that is, in legal terms in Oklahoma, in this USofA, in this year 2016, NOT rape.


Mind you, I do understand that a court cannot change the law, that’s what the legislature is for–and I also understand that, if the court were to change the law, the case would be appealed up to hell and back. What irks the fuck out of me is that there are laws out there, today, which basically are providing predators with a ‘free out of jail’ card.

And you think there is no rape culture here?

24 Jan

It has been almost 32 years since Cheryl Ann Araujo was brutally and publicly gang raped in Big Dan’s in New Bedford, MA.

It has been almost 27 years since the case, and the systemic societal condemnation of rape survivors, was immortalized in the movie The Accused.

At the time, the late Roger Ebert, in his review of the movie, wrote:

“The Accused” demonstrates that rape victims often are suspects in their own cases. Surely they must have been somehow to blame. How were they behaving at the time of the crime? How were they dressed? Had they been drinking? Is their personal life clean and tidy? Or are they sluts who were just asking for it? I am aware of the brutal impact of the previous sentence. But the words were carefully chosen, because sometimes they reflect the unspoken suspicions of officials in the largely male judicial system.

I wonder who will find the film more uncomfortable – men or women? Both will recoil from the brutality of the scenes of the assault. But for some men, the movie will reveal a truth that most women already know. It is that verbal sexual harassment, whether crudely in a saloon back room or subtly in an everyday situation, is a form of violence – one that leaves no visible marks but can make its victims feel unable to move freely and casually in society. It is a form of imprisonment.

More than a quarter of a century later, and nothing has truly changed.

Now not only do we still deal with the assholes of both genders who automatically assume rape victims actively ask for it.

Now we also have all the assholes of both genders who, when rape culture is brought up, dismiss the entire issue as that leftist, feminist, political correctness bullshit.

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Testing boundaries…and not liking the consequences

20 Dec

A couple of days ago I became aware of the case of a Georgia high school student who has been suspended for a year, accused of sexual harassment for hugging a teacher. This suspension means that he won’t be eligible for a lacrosse scholarship he was counting on to attend college, which in turn makes everyone feel sorry for the kid.

I feel something quite different.

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Seriously, do NOT be that guy–and do not make apologies for him either.

19 Mar

Don’t be the manchild incapable of controlling himself.

Don’t be the man who can’t be held responsible if an attractive woman happens to be in his vicinity.

Don’t be the cowardly manchild who bleats, “She made me do it!” (because she was there, all attractive and female and shit), “she asked for it” (because she was wearing whatever it was she was wearing), “she didn’t say no” (because she was physically incapable of doing so, not that it would actually have made a difference).Just because - unconscious

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Michael’s Family, by Kathryn Shay

26 Jan

Michael's FamilyI just re read this old Superromance after reading this essay by author Rebecca Rogers Maher. And, having stuck my oar in with a recommendation, I can’t possibly not review it now, can I?

Keeping in mind that Michael’s Family was published back in 1997 (no cell phones, which has some relevance during a couple of scenes), and that this is genre romance published by Harlequin, Ms Shay’s portrayal of the consequences of date rape feel quite realistic.

So, here goes:

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14 Sep

(If you are, you may want to skip this one)

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