Biology, social conditioning, sex and pain

(Originally posted to the Community forum at MyMedia)

So.

#MeToo.

Women talking for a few weeks (perhaps just over a month?*) about their experiences with different levels of sexual violence/assault/harassment.

Lo and behold, to most women’s sorrow, yet utter lack of surprise, it turns out the most of the women we know have suffered some sort of sexual violence, and sometimes several different kinds, sometimes more than once over the course of their lives, sometimes at the hands of several different men.

And the natural response, from #notallmen, is to express their dismay that all this outpouring of female suffering…will make their dating lives harder.

That men will become afraid of dating, because “accusations of sexual abuse/domestic partner violence ruin lives!” (I can off the top of my head name at least an even dozen of male celebrities whose professional lives have suffered NO HARM, regardless of how many people bring receipts–hello, Woody Allen, Johnny Depp, Chris Brown, Casey Affleck, Donald Trump, Floyd Maywather, Kobe Bryant, Azis Ansari, Mike Tyson, James Franco, Al Franken, Joel Kramer, Kevin Spacey).

That mostly women accuse men to ‘gain something’ or ‘for revenge’ (the ultimate whine on that vein: Larry Nassar’s letter to the sentencing judge quoting ‘hell hath no fury’).

And, the icing on the WTAF cake: that women should consider/understand/learn about how men cannot control themselves because ‘biology.’ That this is ‘just how men are.’ The pseudo grown up version of ‘boys will be boys,’ if you will.

So, let’s talk biology, social conditioning, and pain.

Women’s pain, again.

(Originally posted to the Community section of MyMedia)

I have linked to some stuff on the incredible gender bias in healthcare before.

Here’s a recent BuzzFeed piece, with 29 accounts of specific cases in which women’s health concerns and pain were dismissed out of hand–and some of the indelible, lifelong negative consequences of said dismissal.

This is not new, and while it’s more prevalent among male health providers, even female doctors and nurse practitioners have been indoctrinated into dismissing female pain as exaggerated. We are expected to soldier on, regardless, and we often do, because we also, often, have no choice.

But the fact that we take it doesn’t alleviate the responsibility of those causing harm by dismissing our voices and our knowledge of our own bodies.

Fathers, it’s high time you took responsibility.

Originally posted to the Community section of MyMedia;
a bit of content added at the end.

I am personally not opposed to ethical pornography, just as I am not opposed to women choosing to be sex workers (though the legalization of sex work is a hot button, often politicized, so I’ll stop right here on that).

Ethical pornography, for those wondering, is made by people who a) want to be there*, and b) are of legal age to sign contracts to that effect.

However.

I became aware, a couple of weeks ago, of a scandal in Australia, wherein young boys–and I mean boys, as young as 13/14– mostly from expensive private schools, share pornography through online forums created and maintained exclusively for this purpose.

Which, despite the young age of the users, I would still be okay with, if–and this is a big if–the people whose images are being shared had consented to this.

Instead, it turns out, these boys are literally hunting naked images of school girls–in many cases, classmates!!!–to share with other boys across the country. And, as packs always do, the boys, and occasional young adult man, encourage each other to greater depths of immoral behaviour, by rewarding each other for ‘wins’ (aka, specific images of specific girls, targeted often at the request of someone who knows that girl).

Mind boggling?

Should be, yes.

Madonna and (man)whore

(Originally posted to the Community section of MyMedia–edited first link, and added content at the end.)

Previously, I touched on the incredible gender bias in healthcare.

Among other things, I mentioned that often, when women are in pain, we are told that ‘it’s all in our heads.’ Unsurprisingly, insurance companies are also happy to tell us that sexual issues–from low libido to vaginal dryness–are also in our heads. Men with low testosterone and/or erectile dysfunction just have to watch tv or go online to find multitude of options for treatment–most, if not all, of which, are fully covered by their insurance.

Women? No, little lady, first you have to go get your head shrunk; then…We’ll see.

Or, you know, live with it.

~ * ~

A good fifth of the times I look at a news piece that includes video, there’s an advertisement for Viagra, or some other sex help drug for males. In contrast, the constant barrage of conservative ‘pro-life’ and ‘anti erosion of family values’ and rape apologist headlines is…breathtaking.

Men’s needs, men’s perceptions, men’s opinions–always oh so much more important than anyone else’s.

Fuck that noise.